A little bit past midterms, and feeling the turkey itch

This Semester has been crazy, fun, stressful, yet one of a kind. It is the first time I have been in college single!! that is such a shocker! Well, after leaving parents, I went to college and depended on a man for 2 years. But now I am totally free and independent. It was a a weird adjustment, because I used to be able to count on him for companionship and some one to go with me to places. now, I eat by myself, do my own things and don't depend on anyone. I also have been on the market, and I'm not even sure how that works. The one boyfriend I had, just sort of happened. I am using sort of the same techniques on the guys, but they don't seem to be working. Its like I am not good enough or they are Dbags or taken. I'm not saying I am intentionally being slutty or overly enthusiastically throwing myself at men. Its just if the opportunity walks by, I will flirt or flash a smile.

I just feel that the perfet man is not gonna be dropped in my lap, wished it worked that way, but its not gonna happen. So, I am taking matters into my own hands, and putting myself out there. Now, I am not expecting fast results, but I have been doing this since August and it is now November. 3 months.... I may be getting a little impatient.

Now, I know that having a relationship is added stress and worry, and I already have a crap load of that, but sometimes in the night I wish that the pillow I am hugging is a man. Now, I am not wishing for a miracle or anything, but during this holiday season a man would be a nice present.

It is just weird cause I am putting in all this hard work to be pretty, flirty, available, and cute, and nothing is happening. So, I guess now I just have to step back from the situation and let things just happen. which is hard for me to do, cause I like to analyze, worry, and assess the situation, and it is going to be difficult to put it out of my head. hopefully finals will be enough of a distraction.

Oh yea on the subject of school, classes are going well, but finals will be the true judgement day. Ugh! I know that turkey break will be homework everyday and family time, so not much of a break. That won't come until Christmas break, and then I will want something to do to ease the pain of family time, so I will work on some personal goals. Until next time........College girl :)

Hello, since I have last wrote a lot has happened. First of all, i decided it was in my best interest to break up with my Patrick. I felt that we were on two different life paths and we were not meant to be. Of course it was devastating for him and I felt guilty and bad for him. But I needed my life to move on, so I am doing my best to try and move on.

I think I have done okay since we only have talked once, and for him to move on he needs to be cut off from contact with me. Since the first of august, I have had a lot of "me" time. I went to the beach with melisa, hung out with Cheryl, and we got our nails done. On Friday I went to Chicago for a doctor appointment. Then, over the weekend, my mom's second cousins came and visited us. So, we were entertaining the whole weekend. Now, I am preparing and packing for school, with 5 days left before I go I am hanging out with Melisa, volunteering, packing, and just relaxing before the stress and craziness comes.

If I could tell him, i would say that I want only the best for him, and our time together was the best. And I relate our relationship to Rory and Dean, from the Gilmore Girls, because he was such a great first boyfriend. He treated me with such respect, kindness, and love that I wanted it so badly to work out, but I knew that he had some learning and growing up to do before he could be committed to me. Maybe down the road if he turns his life around, and we are in the same place and time, that we might consider getting back together. But I am not sure of anything right now, I am not sure if I would get back with him or move on with someone else.

I do know that this semester I am extremely excited about. It will be my first college semester without a boyfriend, so i will be truly independent, and I am loving it! But I won't be lonely, because I have such great friends that I consider them family. Also, I intend to exceed expectations in classes to raise my GPA, from 3.3 to above 3.5.

So, I am expecting this semester to be crazy, fun, stressful, and awesome!! And no one all of eastern is ever gonna bring me down!!!!!!! lol

hugs n' kisses

Becca

new beginnings

Hello all,

So if you may have not known but I have beboyen in an almost 2 year relationship with a wonderful boyfriend Patrick. He is sweet, kind, funny, carefree, and loves me dearly. And I had come to realization that I don't love him as much he loves me. Also, that I feel it is not meant to be. So, I broke up with him this morning.

The boy I watched grow into a man, that I trusted, shared my secrets, and become a friend and lover. So, one of the hardest things I will ever had to do, was look into his eyes and say that its over. Then, I watched his heart break into a million pieces. I hated it, and I never want to do that to someone ever again. To cause someone so much pain, and depression, is causing me pain just doing it. After, I did it, i felt guilty and sad for what I had done, but relived that I had finally gotten my true feelings out there, and to not let it go on longer.

Now, he wants to be friends and talk periodically, but I think that for us to both move on and stop being sad that we need to give each other space. But I understand that we were each others whole lives, and just to sever ties like that is very painful.

Though this trying time, My friends and family have reached out and given me much support and love. I have learned that life does go on and will for me. I know it will take time and effort, but I can and will do it.

Through this troubling time, I have learned a lot about myself, that I am a strong beautiful woman who can accomplish anything I put my mind, too.

With Love,

Becca :)

Epiphany

So, haven't blogged in awhile but I have been quite busy. But I have come to important realization.

I can't procrastinate and need to do what needs to be done. I finally have found what I need to do, and it took months to realize, I just wished it couldn't have taken this long, but I have finally realized my true feelings coming from my gut. I should not have let this go on for this long, and dragged other people's feelings threw the mud. But sadly, I learned about myself.

And now with the date looming, I'm scared, nervous, and scared of what will happen.

But enough worrying for now

Until then, your friendly neighborhood future librarian,

Rebecca

Pool.....

Sunburnt today. tired. bedtime soon.

College Girl,

Rebecca

The First Official Day of My Blog

Hello, everyone!

I am not really speaking to the world, I think I am just putting my thoughts, feelings, passions, goals, ideals, dreams or whatever you wanna call it on paper, figuratively speaking. I hoped to gain something out of this, maybe to become a better writer, be able to express myself more clearly, or I could just be bored! ha! Well, it is summer and I don't really do much in the summer. Most of the year I am a college student! Oooo! Ahhh!

I am a Junior at Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, IL. I am a History major, with the high hopes of going to grad school for library sciences, I think they are extremely

high hopes. But it is what I want to do. I feel as if I was put on this planet to help people find the books they need and start the process of learning. I have a great love for books, knowledge and learning, and I like to share that with others. But that all depends on if I get into grad school and if I can afford it. Every one knows how the economy is these days, and who knows what will happen. Which on some level scares the hell out of me, because I sure as hell don't want there to be a world crisis or Apocalypse while I am still around. Definitely do not want to be in danger like one of those science fiction action movies where the world is ending, with my luck that is what would happen!

Well, I hate to cut this short since I was having so much fun talking about Doomsday, but my eyes are blurring and that is a sign I need sleep! So, until next time, Goodnight!

Your friendly neighborhood future librarian,

Rebecca